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Hello!

Hope everyone's having a great new year so far.

I am a recently divorced father living in Columbia MD. I've started experiencing the anxiety of how and when to tell my 9 year old son that his father is gay.

As of four months ago I have become part of a family. Me, my partner, and his four year old son. My partner has been an adoptive parent for two years. Prior to us becoming a committed couple he and I dated approximately 7 years ago. This time obviously things have changed, we have matured, work in our fields and are doing ok financially, the difference now is there is a child. This parenting thing is quite different for me and admittedly sometimes I'm scared I might not do the right thing when it comes to being a positive influence on the child.

For almost 5 years, I have been divorced, and have full parental custody of my three sons; 17, 13, 11. During that time, I have tried to find someone to invest in a meaningful, long term reltionship. During the first 4 years, I was unsuccessful at finding that one special man to share being a father with me. Men looked at me as a guy with a handicap, because I slept with a woman and had children, and because I am bringing up by myself, my 3 boys. They looked at me as damaged goods. Because of that, I decided to concentrate solely on bringing up my sons, and having nothing to with guys.

Trick or treat - it's a baby! Last year, Joshua was born. A Halloween baby! Isn't that like the coolest birthday???

Anyway, my husband AJ and I had only been on the wait list for a baby for barely six months. The adoption process of applications and background checks and home studies took like a year. We were the first gay male couple our Denver adoption agency had ever worked with, although they had worked with a few lesbian couples. They weren't sure what our wait time was going to be, but it was likely to be anywhere from a year to four years.

I am one who believes in “full disclosure” and I would like to paint a picture of me and my life so you can decide if there is a possibility of beginning, well, a beginning. As someone who writes for a living this is one of the hardest things I have had to write. I am 41, and had my own law firm but returned to a career in financial services for reasons that I will tell you about in a bit. I went to law school later in life after my best friend was killed by her husband.

Ok, I am crazy. I am in the process of adopting another son. Adopting Benjamin was about me and wanting to be a father. Adopting his brother is about wanting him to have a family and a sibling. So at this juncture I am immersed in the process again and riding the roller coaster associated with expecting another child. Home construction, home-studies, a second car, interviewing au pairs, new schools, and the list is endless but at least I have learned some things to make this time easier.

Adventures in Being a Single Gay Parent-

There are only two things I ever wanted to be in this life, a husband and a father. Now, imagine watching men run for the next county, when you tell them. To shorten a very long story, I decided to become a father as becoming a husband was proving much more difficult. I was beginning to think I had a better chance at pregnancy. So after a period of interviews and navigation through the complex legal and emotional process I got a call on the day before Thanksgiving 2004, telling me that there was a little boy who was two years old.

Signs that read 'One Man, One Woman, Yes on 36' lined the gorgeous farmland of Marion County Oregon. Proposition 36 called for a vote to change Oregon's Constitution. The change replaced language which stated, "anyone over 18 can marry..." with, "a man and a woman over 18 can marry..." Mark and I noticed the irony of our situation as we drove our newborn daughter around Silverton, Salem, and Portland.

Signs that read 'One Man, One Woman, Yes on 36' lined the gorgeous farmland of Marion County Oregon. Proposition 36 called for a vote to change Oregon's Constitution. The change replaced language which stated, "anyone over 18 can marry..." with, "a man and a woman over 18 can marry..." Mark and I noticed the irony of our situation as we drove our newborn daughter around Silverton, Salem, and Portland. The anti-gay signs were large, loud, and angry but our experience over a few days in this otherwise charming part of the country was free of negativity.

Signs that read 'One Man, One Woman, Yes on 36' lined the gorgeous farmland of Marion County Oregon. Proposition 36 called for a vote to change Oregon's Constitution. The change replaced language which stated, "anyone over 18 can marry..." with, "a man and a woman over 18 can marry..." Mark and I noticed the irony of our situation as we drove our newborn daughter around Silverton, Salem, and Portland. The anti-gay signs were large, loud, and angry but our experience over a few days in this otherwise charming part of the country was free of negativity.