Support Groups for Gay Fathers

Submitted by Romedog1 on Sat, 01/12/2008 - 6:10pm.

Dads

I am a recently divorced father living in Columbia MD. I've started experiencing the anxiety of how and when to tell my 9 year old son that his father is gay.

Although I have never done anything around him or said anything to him about his parents' reason for divorcing, he is very bright and intelligent, and its only a matter of time before he puts things together and comes to a conclusion regarding my sexuality. My fear is that he becomes "aware" of sexuality from school, peers, and society before his mother and I have the chance and/or opportunity to sit him down and discuss it with him in terms he'd understand and that are age appropriate. I also want to arm myself with options on dealing with "the talk" before his mother and/or her family do so with an obvious (and somewhat understandable) emotional spin.

Can anyone provide information on support groups for gay fathers in my local area? I've checked local papers, but have been unable to find anything. Any help would be greatly appreciated.

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leave the kid out of it

Submitted by on Sun, 01/13/2008 - 10:03am.

If your wife and you are on good terms - discuss this issue with her prior to speaking to your son about it - you don't want conflicting message from your wife; if she brings it up with him later on. If you are not on friendly terms with her..then I would say read up on this issue...and leave your sexuality out of it....it's too much information for your kid to handle at this time - knowing that you just recently got divorced... not everything is about you....

My opinion

Submitted by brghtbear on Sun, 01/13/2008 - 10:32pm.

You know your kid.

I told both of my kids when they were 4 and 6. At that time it did not really register what it all meant. They just knew that their dad had a boy friend. Previous to this I had talks with the boys about sexuality (on their level). The question came up when were watching the news or something and a boy kissed a boy. (A man kissed a man). They asked me what happened. I told them that some boys want girlfriends and some girls want boyfriends, but that some boys like boys and some girls like girls and that is why they saw a boy kiss a boy. When I came out to them, I was able to reference that previous conversation.

Whether I had that conversation or not, I would have still told them, on an age appropriate level. After telling them, I stayed open, and continue to stay open to any questions that they may currently have. Never under-estimate what a kid can handle. You will just have to judge for yourself in knowing your kid.

I believe in being honest with my kids. If I am not honest with them and constantly hold things back, then I am teaching them that it is OK to be dishonest with me. I told them and they had questions, but they are happy that I told them.

You know your kid.