'With (more than) a little help from my family': The story of a Texan surrogate

ProudParenting had the opportunity to learn more about surrogacy from a woman who carried twins for a couple. Dawn [pictured] says that she enjoys being pregnant, her husband and family are supportive - and her friends are curious and concerned.

Dawn and Jeremy will be visiting the family she helped enlarge and will be speaking on a surrogacy panel as part of Israel's first Rainbow Families conference - February 12, 2010. Dawn's story embodies Circle's belief that a successful surrogacy is a process in which families help create other families.

Here's a quick Q&A with Dawn:

PP: So many prospective parents are asking for help from surrogates to help them build families. Much of the conversation between new parents and expecting parents involves our needs and our feelings. Please help us understand surrogacy from a surrogate's point of view by offering insight from your own experience as a surrogate.

DAWN: Surrogacy is a very complex ordeal that involves getting pregnant in order to have a child for another family, one with whom you will probably have no interaction ever again. This in itself goes against so many natural instincts that a woman has. You also have to look at how the woman's family will take this. Will her children accept what is about to happen? How will the husband feel knowing that there is a baby developing in his wife that does not belong to either of them? These are very hard issues that a woman has to ask herself and work through before she can truly say she will do it.

PP: Why did you become a surrogate?

DAWN: I chose to be a surrogate because I enjoy being pregnant and I feel that if a couple really wants children then there should be options for them. My Husband and I initially thought we would have to undergo infertility treatments due to a childhood accident he had. But we ended up having two wonderful daughters without treatments and we also adopted our niece. But we watched several of our friends go through infertility treatments. We saw how hard it was for them, the stress, hope, despair, some anger, and then when they did get pregnant - the overwhelming joy! At that time I was unable to help them, as I was still young and a fairly new mother.

PP: Circle screens each carrier's partner before they are accepted to the program - as a team. Did having your own family affect your role as a surrogate?

DAWN: I had to be sure that not only I was ready but my family would be able to do this too. When my youngest was 8 years old and with our family being complete, I felt that I am capable of helping someone in a situation like this, so I started thinking about surrogacy.

My family was very supportive and helped a lot around the house. My husband went to all of my doctor appointments, recorded ultrasounds and sent them to the parents. My girls sat and played games with me and watched movies with me while I was on bed rest. My mother lives with us and she was a big help, and she had a great time buying things for the twins. She enjoyed it so much she even threw her own baby shower for the parents!!!

Being a surrogate also brought my family closer. My husband and I became even closer emotionally, and my girls and I developed new respect for each other. My husband and my girl’s relationships also got stronger.

PP: Were you anxious about your relationship with the prospective parents?

DAWN: Going into this for the first time I wasn’t sure what to expect. How much the intended parents would want to be involved in my life? Would they try to impose their beliefs and tell me how I should be taking care of my body? If they were a state side family, would they want me to travel to them a lot? If an overseas family - how would they be involved enough to bond with their baby?

PP: Tell us about your relationship with the parents.

DAWN: Circle did a wonderful job matching me and my family with a wonderful couple. They have the same views as we do on so many things. We just clicked right from the start. In fact as soon as we met them for the first time, my whole family turned to me and said, “When are you getting pregnant?”

Our intended parents understood that it was my whole family doing this not just me. My family were the ones who dealt with my mood swings, morning sickness, being tired and then the bed rest. My girls had to do without their mother attending things I always had in the past, like first day of school. They were very understanding when we didn’t do as much on vacations and weekends because mommy just couldn’t walk anymore, or was too tired.

PP: What's it like to carry twins?

DAWN: Carrying twins was like skipping a trimester. I barely had two weeks of my energy back after morning sickness was over before going into “third trimester feelings." I was retaining water and swelling, so I spent a lot of time in bed with my feet up. Yet I enjoyed being pregnant again, and watching a family growing was amazing.

PP: Support systems can be very helpful for surrogates as they go through the stages of becoming pregnant, and pregnancy. Were your friends also supportive?

DAWN: My friends were concerned or at the very least curious. After the birth some wondered if I’m having attachment issues and were hesitant to mention the issue fearing it was a sore subject for me. I was shocked because I believe I am an open person and I have willingly answered questions in the past. I like talking about being a surrogate. From implantation to birth I felt no attachment. It was more like I was babysitting someone else’s children.

My children, husband, mother and friends ask about the twins and if I got any pictures. My family gets excited and love to see how the parents are enjoying the twins so much. I have a good relationship with the parents - we’re friends and are now considered extended family.