what a roller coaster....

well i've waited a couple of days to blog again. i felt like i was driving myself insane. its been almost a week since we had our first insemination. one second im convinced that it had to of worked. i mean we did it 6 times!!! then the next second im convinced that there is NO way that it would happen for me that easy. i never realized the emotions that you go through when you are the person trying for the baby. it was easy...well, easier being the person NOT carrying. at least at this perspective. now being on this side of it...every little cramp or every time i feel sick i think omg, is it cuz im pregnant?? i keep telling myself that there wouldnt be any symptoms within the first week so im more than likely not pregnant it isj ust all in my head. then i think back and before we knew when crystalyn was pregnant thinking back she was sick and super tired literally almost immediately!!! so it can/cannot be either way. but one second im sooo happy because i think we did it. it worked!!! then the next im so sad and dissappointed because i just know theres no way it worked. i guess i keep wanting to think negative cuz i dont want to feel so much dissappoinment when i take the pregnancy test and its negative. or i just get my period. how do you all deal with it?? going through it time and time again?? this is only the first time trying with us and i already am losing my mind. how do you cope when you find out it didnt work? with crystalyn it worked the first time so we didnt have to experience this. so i want to prepare myself for the hurt i guess you oculd say before it happens. any suggestions or advice?? i know its not likely it will happen the first try or not even the second. but i cant help but feel like well something must be worng with me or im a failure. ya know? im always so hard on myself and try and foot all the responsibilities. so something like this, im really going to take kind of hard.:sighs: