Annonymous Doner or Known?

Submitted by ladymadonna on Wed, 08/15/2007 - 3:27am.

My partner and I are interested in TTC in the new year. We are in a delima now about wether we should use a close friend and a known doner or a sperm bank. The known doner has expressed interest in becoming parents with my partner for several years and they are very close. I am not sure if this will be in our best ineterest or the baby's for that matter. On one hand we would like our baby to be able to know his/her father, however this seems to imply complications legaly in the future. He has expressed that he would like the baby to cary his last name and to have monthly or anual visitation. I already have 3 children myself and have had alot of drama with custody and visitation so I know how ugly people can be in these situations, so this causes some fear on my part as far as going thru this at all. We live in Nevada which is not a very gay friendly state to begin with so I am not sure what the laws are regarding second parent adoption, or open adoption for that matter...

Does anyone have expierence with this to share?

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Well I would say this.

Submitted by Readybutwaiting on Wed, 08/29/2007 - 9:42am.

Well I would say this. Parenting a child in a marriage is a hard thing to do to begin with. You disagree, you fight, you have different ideas etc. etc. but you work it out with your partner through reason and love. It is therefore 10 times harder to do this with someone who you don't feel that way about and who is far away and not apart of your family on a day to day basis. He might say otherwise now but if he's already talking about ways he can be apart of the child's life then he will most likely want a say in how they are being raised.
Wanting your future child to know his or her father is very differnt from wanting them to have a father in their life. I would say that if you're really trying to have the basic family unit of you, your partner and your kids then go with an annonymous doner. But if your ready for a very complex family dynamic then go for the known. Either way good luck and let us know how it all goes!!!

i blogged about this same subject...

Submitted by giggleblue on Sun, 04/13/2008 - 1:30pm.

http://specificdestiny.blogspot.com/

we went through the same question and process, and ultimatly winded up with a bank, but the blog entry walks you through how we arrived at that conclusion.

hth...