Kindergarten Distress and Dating

Ok, so there are times that I wonder how the hell I get through the day. Today Ben started kindergarten. It was a mornign filled with tears as I drove away from him at school and his distress weighed heavily on my heart. Ultimately, I know he would be fine and he would make it through the day and emerge to be the little champ that he is. When I picked him up he was happy to see me and as usual ran into my arms and said " dad you always come back"...typical for a child whose background is as traumatic as his was in the early part of his life...still the saddness pervades as we prepare for the bus tomorow. I will make it and so will he.

Bryce continues to progress and has an appointment at Mass Eye and Ear as there is an issue with his hearing and I dread taking him in but it must be done. The early part of his life and the neglect he suffered may have left scars that will follow him in a marked way for the remainder of his life. However, daily he sheds a bit more of that and smiles laughs and becomes more Bryce than the child that he was. For that I am thankful.

Rarely do I get time for myself these days between career and kids, there is little time left for me. However, that is ok as I require little; the satisfaction I get from my kids far outweighs the lack of time. I did recently go on a date with a very nice man. Ultimately, it ended before it began. I am very clear on the upfront about my kids. However, friends have told me to be less than candid than I am, which is bullshit. So, he called at 6 am this morning to "talk" I was in the middle of getting both kids and myself ready for the day. I asked if we could talk this evening. He hung up on me. I knew what was coming. So we just got of the phone and he can not handle it. I explain that I am second to my children and that to be with me means that while we are first to one another, we are always behind the needs of the kids. Well as I could not "chat" this morning....to him that was a deal breaker and he is not willing to be second. I guess I just wonder if there is a man out there who understands and just "Gets it".....hope spring eternal and tomorrow is another day.