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WAY OUT PARENTING: 5 IRRATIONAL REASONS SOME WACKY STRAIGHT PARENTS MIGHT BE DECLINING YOUR CHILD’S PLAY DATE OFFERS

Submitted by Way Out Parent on Sat, 09/20/2008 - 7:18am.

Your child keeps begging you to set up a play date with his new “best friend” at school. But when you pick up the phone or approach the friend’s parent at pick-up, this is what you hear:

“Oh, we never do play dates.”


“He’d love to, but he’s booked literally seven days a week: tennis, acting, karate, piano, softball, robotics, and soccer.”


“She’s funny about play dates. I think she gets too tired.”


“He’s deathly allergic to the synthetic fibers found in most people’s homes.”

WAY OUT PARENTING: THE DO’s AND DON’Ts OF NAMING YOUR CHILD

Submitted by Way Out Parent on Thu, 09/11/2008 - 9:25pm.

You may be asking yourself, “Why cover that here? I have five books on baby names," but those books don’t address baby naming do’s and don’ts for gay parents. Names have a way of coming back to haunt us. How many of us wish our parents had just taken the time to write our initials-to-be down on paper and looked at them before bequeathing them to us? How many of us would be less traumatized today had our parents shut the baby name book and spent five minutes anticipating all the cruel innovations a creatively malicious mind could think up based on the name they had chosen.

Gay parents must be particularly careful about the names we give our children. Our children already have enough baggage to inspire the malicious minds of their schools’ lowest common denominators. There’s no excuse for adding fuel to the fire. So let’s review the rules for gay fathers and mothers to be.

WAY OUT PARENTING: WHAT IF BRITNEY SPEARS HAD BEEN A CHILD OF GAYS?

Submitted by Way Out Parent on Sat, 08/16/2008 - 6:18am.

Do you ever imagine how your life might have been different had you been born into different circumstances? Imagine for a moment that Britney Spears had not been born the daughter of Lynne and Jamie Spears. Instead, she’d been the child of two gay moms or dads who conceived her with the help of high-tech reproductive technologies rarely employed in rural Mississippi where vodka tonics and Budweisers on a Saturday night are more typical precursors to pregnancy.

Would Britney’s life trajectory have been any different? Would she have been a “better” person? Would she have learned to wear underwear? Would she have lost custody of her children? Who knows. There’s plenty of evidence that addictive, self-destructive personalities are born, not made. But it’s fun to conjecture, so let’s look at some Britney milestones and how they might have played out differently had she been a Child of Gays.

Way Out Parenting: You’re about to be a parent. There’s just one problem. You forgot to come out to your family…Now what???

Submitted by Way Out Parent on Mon, 07/07/2008 - 7:49pm.

Gay people, like all others, have a knack for putting the cart before the horse. Very few of us actually think about the consequences of our actions. Where’s the fun in that, after all? While you were serving coffee to your adoption social worker and thinking “Does she like us? Will we pass the test?” or lying knees up after your insemination praying “Dear God, please let this be the month because I’m afraid my girlfriend won’t stick with this much longer,” you forgot to consider that five months ahead was Christmas and at Christmas time you always fly home to Nebraska to visit your parents, your twelve aunts and uncles, and scores of cousins, none of whom even know you are gay.

Since the Stonewall Riots of 1969, gays have been declaring their right to live openly and proudly in greater and greater numbers. And through the decades, certain coming-out-to-parent patterns and rituals have become established within the gay community. We now know definitively,

Way Out Parenting: When should our children use public restrooms alone? Will they use toilet paper, and will they be safe?

Submitted by Way Out Parent on Sun, 07/06/2008 - 7:35am.

Gay fathers with a daughter and lesbians with a son face these questions sooner than heterosexual co-parents. Because you don’t represent both sexes, at some point you must allow your child to venture into a world where you have no access. What is it like in there? Will your child be safe? How can you prepare him or her? Below are questions you may have and some answers to put you at ease.

Way Out Parenting: “Why do straight people assume I’m the aunt, uncle, grandparent, babysitter—anything but the other parent?”

Submitted by Way Out Parent on Fri, 06/13/2008 - 6:43am.

This happens more often than you may think. If you’ve been mistaken for a grandparent, don’t run out for Botox just yet. The problem is not the creases in your forehead or the bags under your eyes. You are the innocent victim of someone with Gay Processing Disorder (GPD). GPD is not yet officially recognized in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-IV); however, gay psychologists nationwide are lobbying for its inclusion in the next edition.

Way Out Parenting: Is your boss a Narcissist, Tyrant, or Liberal? 8 Personalities and how they react to “I’m gonna be a parent!”

Submitted by Way Out Parent on Sat, 06/07/2008 - 11:26am.

If you already have children, you undoubtedly remember the day you went to work and told your boss you were going to be a parent. Until that moment, some of you had never even told your boss you were gay. What would they say, you wondered. What would they think? Would you lose your job just as you were about to assume complete responsibility for this other human life? You were too frightened to think rationally about the situation.

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