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WAY OUT PARENTING: “You’re doing family trees in school? Isn’t that nice…” (Uh-oh, whose family tree?)

Submitted by Way Out Parent on Sat, 01/31/2009 - 7:53am
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At some point during most children's elementary years (usually it’s the third grade), they study the many peoples who poured into "this great country of ours" via ports like Ellis and Angel Island to escape poverty, famine, and that “p” word gay people know so much about—persecution.

WAY OUT PARENTING: WHERE IS IT SAFE TO RAISE YOUR LOVE CHILD?

Submitted by Way Out Parent on Mon, 01/05/2009 - 9:48pm
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While many communities look the other way when two men or two women cohabitate, they can become downright hostile when these same gay couples start pushing a stroller through the local Target or Cosco. Therefore, gays starting families have to ask the fundamental question: Should we put our home up for sale right now and run for our lives?

Throughout North America, attitudes toward homosexuality vary greatly. Therefore, gays should begin their stay-or-move assessment with a regional report card.

WAY OUT PARENTING: IS RUDOLPH THE RED-NOSED REINDEER GAY?

Submitted by Way Out Parent on Thu, 12/18/2008 - 10:43pm
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It’s always a little dangerous to speculate about the gayness of others. And it’s even more presumptuous to speculate about a Christmas icon. But this holiday season as you listen to Ella and Burl and Dean sing the famous Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer anthem, pay attention to the clues. There’s at least a fifty-fifty chance that Rudolph is a gay reindeer. And his experience can certainly help your little ones understand what life is like for most gays. So here are the telltale signs. You decide. Does Rudolph light up your gaydar?

WAY OUT PARENTING: “I could do SUCH a better job raising a straight child than my parents did raising a gay one!”

Submitted by Way Out Parent on Sat, 12/13/2008 - 7:18am
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If you are like most gays, you were a constant source of anxiety to your straight parents. They never wanted you to express your budding lesbianism by wearing flannel shirts, chopping your hair off, and playing sports with the boys. And they tried to suppress your nascent gay-boyness by signing you up for team sports and setting you up with the neighbor’s budding lesbian daughter—hoping for a miracle.

Your parents were trying to fit a gay peg into a straight hole. And that’s why so many heterosexuals think you’ll try to fit a straight peg into a gay hole—in other words, make your child gay—if you’re allowed to parent. But that’s not what gay parents usually do. After experiencing years of coersive

WAY OUT PARENTING: SANTA CLAUS LIKES GAY FAMILIES!

Submitted by Way Out Parent on Fri, 12/05/2008 - 8:28am
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This is the time of year when children around the world anticipate the arrival of their patron saint, Santa Claus. On playgrounds, at play dates, and in playgroups, Santa is their single obsession. Children, like adults, love to demonstrate their extensive knowledge on subjects dear to their heart, and so…

They share their personal Santa experiences:
I heard him on my roof last year…
He loved the chocolate macaroons we left for him, but he didn’t drink the milk…
He gave me exactly what I asked for…

They claim to have deep biographical knowledge about Santa:
He’s 321 years old…
He has 78 elves…
He was born in this place called Lapland…
He’s been giving gifts for centuries…
He has magic dust that comes out of his scalp like dandruff…

And once in a while, in their effort to claim preferred status, things turn ugly:
Santa doesn’t like gay families. If he finds out your parents are gay, he stops coming to your house.

WAY OUT PARENTING: “My genes made me do it!”—the 5 genes that make you a gay parent

Submitted by Way Out Parent on Mon, 11/17/2008 - 8:34pm
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Gays becoming parents really shouldn’t surprise anyone. Gay people, after all, are the product of straight people. It’s the twenty-first century, and by now we realize that virtually everything we do, everything we say, and everything that happens to us is in someway related to genes—even if the genes in questions haven’t been identified and tagged quite yet. Someday, in human genome laboratories, scientists will confirm what common sense already tells us: Gay people have some straight genes. That is to say, gays have inner straightness. Even the “gayest” person you can think of has straight genes. (By the same token, even white supremacists, evangelical Christians, army generals, Hell’s Angels, Pennsylvania Dutch dairy farmers, and Catholic bishops have gay genes—okay that last one is no surprise.)

WAY OUT PARENTING: The Gay and Lesbian Guide to Egg and Sperm Donor Selection by Stereotypes

Submitted by Way Out Parent on Sat, 11/08/2008 - 8:30am
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Never before has there been so much sperm and so many eggs for sale over the Internet. Even the gay man and lesbian who think they know exactly what they want can’t help having second thoughts when they see all the choices. Should you pick the German/Irish donor who most closely reflects your genetic heritage and has no self-reported family history of heart disease or cancer? But what about the Italian/Norwegian donor who looked so adorable, had great SAT scores, spoke so articulately on a video, and said he or she was willing to meet any children their eggs or sperm helped to create? Then again, now that the United States has finally elected its first multiracial president of the United States, maybe it’s time to throw caution to the wind, and select a donor from outside your own racial group because—let’s face it—mixed race people tend to be way more attractive, often land careers as models, and will fit in better with shifting U.S. demographic patterns in the twenty-first century.

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