Harville Hendrix

Whether we argue consistently with our spouses, or only lock horns on rare occasions, when we’re in the thick of a conflict it’s natural for us to ask: Why are we fighting?*

While finding the answer might seem important, and prompt us to solicit advice from friends or delve into the topic with spouses, when our time and energy are at a premium—meaning, pretty much all of the time for parents with young kids—I think it’s wise for us to shift our emphasis from “why” to:

How do we fight?