{"id":9555,"date":"2014-10-31T21:15:24","date_gmt":"2014-10-31T21:15:24","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/proudparenting.com\/?p=9555"},"modified":"2018-08-03T15:47:45","modified_gmt":"2018-08-03T15:47:45","slug":"qa-with-a-gay-surrogacy-dad","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/proudparenting.com\/2014\/10\/qa-with-a-gay-surrogacy-dad\/","title":{"rendered":"Q&A with a Gay Surrogacy Dad"},"content":{"rendered":"

Michael Barbaro, Associate Chaplain at Trinity School in Manhattan, is a single dad of newborn twins, born July 2014. He worked with a surrogate to grow his family, and he shared his story at the Surrogacy Seminar & Expo for Gay Men<\/strong> presented by Men Having Babies<\/a> November 2, 2014 – at JCC Manhattan.<\/p>\n

\"michael103114\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Q: How did you decide to become a parent?<\/p>\n

A: I\u2019ve wanted to be a father since I was seventeen years old. I never had a relationship with my own dad, and that fact drove my desire to become a father myself. I\u2019m a teacher and a nurturer by profession \u2013 I\u2019ve always helped other people\u2019s kids, and now I\u2019m really ready to help and love my own. When I came out at age thirty, I thought I would have to let my dream of becoming a father go, but a few years ago as I learned more about surrogacy, I realized it was possible for me.<\/p>\n

Q: Why did you choose surrogacy?<\/p>\n

A: I looked into all the options available to me, including adoption and co-parenting with a lesbian couple \u2013 which I actually pursued, but it didn\u2019t work out. I kept avoiding looking at surrogacy because of the financial costs involved\u2026kept pushing it away\u2026until the time when the other options had exhausted themselves, and surrogacy was the only one left. Then I figured I would make it work whatever the costs \u2013 financial, emotional and physical; I would explore how to make it happen.<\/p>\n

Q: What was your biggest misperception about the surrogacy process?<\/p>\n

A: I wasn\u2019t sure how my decision to pursue surrogacy would be perceived by other people. I remembered having conversations with friends about it a few years ago, and they weren\u2019t supportive of the idea. I wondered if they\u2019d still feel this way now that I\u2018d decided to do it, but to my surprise everyone shared the opposite viewpoint this time \u2013 that women using their bodies for surrogacy were performing the ultimate act of generosity and kindness.<\/p>\n

When my surrogate revealed to me that her own friends were not being supportive of her decision to participate, I reached out to a large group of friends and supporters who\u2019ve been following my story via an email newsletter and asked them to reach out to her and show their support. She was overwhelmed with all the supportive messages she received from my friends. I really feel she\u2019s a hero for bringing these kids into my life, so I wanted to do something meaningful for her. This was my way of letting her know how much respect I have for her. My community of friends and family really responded to her with that.<\/p>\n

Q: What resources did you use for your surrogacy journey?<\/p>\n

A: I started my investigation by looking into agencies in India and Thailand. In the end, I decided the international beaurocracy and politics involved with those options there weren\u2019t right for me. That\u2019s when I came across the Men Having Babies website. I went to several of their meetings, got a lot of great info and made some really true friends. Three other gay dads in particular and I are all still active friends.<\/p>\n

I used Men Having Babies as a big resource \u2013 they introduced me to the surrogacy agency I wound up using, Simple Surrogacy. I wasn\u2019t able to attend their New York conference in 2013, so I watched YouTube clips from it and learned a lot about Simple Surrogacy from those clips. I ended up using them and couldn\u2019t be happier with how things turned out.<\/p>\n

Q: What was your greatest obstacle during the process?<\/p>\n

A: Honestly, my biggest obstacle was the financial aspect. I had no hesitation about becoming a father, and I was surrounded by people who felt the same way and wanted that for me. Men Having Babies was just starting their financial assistance program then, but I didn\u2019t understand it well enough, and I didn\u2019t apply. I thought it was for people who\u2019d already lost all their money on surrogacy attempts that didn\u2019t work out; I didn\u2019t understand that it was also for men like me \u2013 making a living as a teacher and an associate chaplain, but for whom the surrogacy costs are not realistic without help. Not applying is my biggest regret.<\/p>\n

Some other obstacles are the logistics involved now that my twin sons are here \u2013 I can\u2019t afford a nanny or daycare, so my mom moved into my 530 sq foot apartment with me to help out. My boys sleep in my room, and we built a temporary wall for my mom to have her privacy, and we\u2019re making it work. For me, having kids is all about sacrifice, and I\u2019ve just had to make it work.<\/p>\n

Q: What advice can you give other gay men considering surrogacy?<\/p>\n

A: A year ago, I was speaking with my mom, and I was very sad. I knew in my core that I was meant to be a dad, yet it wasn\u2019t happening yet. I was approaching the age where I had to just do it or not. I was in a relationship at the time, but I didn\u2019t know if it would last (it didn\u2019t). Was becoming a father something I could do as a single man or not? My mom answered me by saying that I was called to be a father, and if I went ahead and did it, I would never look back regretting it. But if I didn\u2019t do it, then when I would be seventy years old one day, I would look back and regret not doing it. No matter how hard things are right now, we know it would be harder for me to look back one day in regret. I didn\u2019t know if I was going to be somebody\u2019s husband one day, but I knew I had to be someone\u2019s father.<\/p>\n

Q: How has being a parent changed your life?<\/p>\n

A: The past fourteen weeks have been such a blur. I\u2019m still living in the surrealness of it. There are moments when I\u2019m filling a prescription, and the pharmacist asks who the medication is for, and I said, \u201cFor my son\u201d \u2013 the words just tumble out of my mouth, because I\u2019m so overjoyed I get to answer with the words, \u201cfor my son.\u201d<\/p>\n

I\u2019m tired. I\u2019m happy. I\u2019m discovering parts of myself I didn\u2019t know existed. There is tremendous responsibility with becoming a dad. As a teacher, I dealt with the caretaking of children my whole career, but now the kids in question are my own. I\u2019m still in the process of figuring out how my life is changing. I don\u2019t know the answer yet, but I do know that my life will be forever changing because of my children, just as I am forever changed. Being a parent requires constant readjustment and figuring yourself out.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Michael Barbaro, Associate Chaplain at Trinity School in Manhattan, is a single dad of newborn twins, born July 2014. He<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":17,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"ngg_post_thumbnail":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[15],"tags":[],"yoast_head":"\nQ&A with a Gay Surrogacy Dad - Proud Parenting<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/proudparenting.com\/2014\/10\/qa-with-a-gay-surrogacy-dad\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Q&A with a Gay Surrogacy Dad - Proud Parenting\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Michael Barbaro, Associate Chaplain at Trinity School in Manhattan, is a single dad of newborn twins, born July 2014. He\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/proudparenting.com\/2014\/10\/qa-with-a-gay-surrogacy-dad\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Proud Parenting\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:publisher\" content=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/ProudParenting\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2014-10-31T21:15:24+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2018-08-03T15:47:45+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/proudparenting.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/10\/michael103114.jpg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Editorial Staff\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Editorial Staff\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"6 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/proudparenting.com\/2014\/10\/qa-with-a-gay-surrogacy-dad\/#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/proudparenting.com\/2014\/10\/qa-with-a-gay-surrogacy-dad\/\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"Editorial Staff\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/proudparenting.com\/#\/schema\/person\/bd1f88f6dfdb00b831bfdda339ec5cf9\"},\"headline\":\"Q&A with a Gay Surrogacy Dad\",\"datePublished\":\"2014-10-31T21:15:24+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2018-08-03T15:47:45+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/proudparenting.com\/2014\/10\/qa-with-a-gay-surrogacy-dad\/\"},\"wordCount\":1190,\"publisher\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/proudparenting.com\/#organization\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/proudparenting.com\/2014\/10\/qa-with-a-gay-surrogacy-dad\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\/\/proudparenting.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/10\/michael103114.jpg\",\"articleSection\":[\"Dads\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\"},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/proudparenting.com\/2014\/10\/qa-with-a-gay-surrogacy-dad\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/proudparenting.com\/2014\/10\/qa-with-a-gay-surrogacy-dad\/\",\"name\":\"Q&A with a Gay Surrogacy Dad - Proud Parenting\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/proudparenting.com\/#website\"},\"primaryImageOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/proudparenting.com\/2014\/10\/qa-with-a-gay-surrogacy-dad\/#primaryimage\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/proudparenting.com\/2014\/10\/qa-with-a-gay-surrogacy-dad\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\/\/proudparenting.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/10\/michael103114.jpg\",\"datePublished\":\"2014-10-31T21:15:24+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2018-08-03T15:47:45+00:00\",\"breadcrumb\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/proudparenting.com\/2014\/10\/qa-with-a-gay-surrogacy-dad\/#breadcrumb\"},\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"ReadAction\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/proudparenting.com\/2014\/10\/qa-with-a-gay-surrogacy-dad\/\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/proudparenting.com\/2014\/10\/qa-with-a-gay-surrogacy-dad\/#primaryimage\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/proudparenting.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/10\/michael103114.jpg\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\/\/proudparenting.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/10\/michael103114.jpg\",\"width\":638,\"height\":737},{\"@type\":\"BreadcrumbList\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/proudparenting.com\/2014\/10\/qa-with-a-gay-surrogacy-dad\/#breadcrumb\",\"itemListElement\":[{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":1,\"name\":\"Home\",\"item\":\"https:\/\/proudparenting.com\/\"},{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":2,\"name\":\"Q&A with a Gay Surrogacy Dad\"}]},{\"@type\":\"WebSite\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/proudparenting.com\/#website\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/proudparenting.com\/\",\"name\":\"Proud Parenting\",\"description\":\"LGBTQ Families\",\"publisher\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/proudparenting.com\/#organization\"},\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"SearchAction\",\"target\":{\"@type\":\"EntryPoint\",\"urlTemplate\":\"https:\/\/proudparenting.com\/?s={search_term_string}\"},\"query-input\":\"required name=search_term_string\"}],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\"},{\"@type\":\"Organization\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/proudparenting.com\/#organization\",\"name\":\"Proud Parenting\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/proudparenting.com\/\",\"logo\":{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/proudparenting.com\/#\/schema\/logo\/image\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/proudparenting.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/06\/cropped-cropped-2017proudparentinglogotransrainbow150x91-2.png\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\/\/proudparenting.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/06\/cropped-cropped-2017proudparentinglogotransrainbow150x91-2.png\",\"width\":150,\"height\":91,\"caption\":\"Proud Parenting\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/proudparenting.com\/#\/schema\/logo\/image\/\"},\"sameAs\":[\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/ProudParenting\"]},{\"@type\":\"Person\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/proudparenting.com\/#\/schema\/person\/bd1f88f6dfdb00b831bfdda339ec5cf9\",\"name\":\"Editorial Staff\",\"image\":{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/proudparenting.com\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/de4ae8ca2808017833bbf654b62b9986?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/de4ae8ca2808017833bbf654b62b9986?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"caption\":\"Editorial Staff\"},\"url\":\"https:\/\/proudparenting.com\/author\/jeff\/\"}]}<\/script>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"Q&A with a Gay Surrogacy Dad - Proud Parenting","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/proudparenting.com\/2014\/10\/qa-with-a-gay-surrogacy-dad\/","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"Q&A with a Gay Surrogacy Dad - Proud Parenting","og_description":"Michael Barbaro, Associate Chaplain at Trinity School in Manhattan, is a single dad of newborn twins, born July 2014. He","og_url":"https:\/\/proudparenting.com\/2014\/10\/qa-with-a-gay-surrogacy-dad\/","og_site_name":"Proud Parenting","article_publisher":"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/ProudParenting","article_published_time":"2014-10-31T21:15:24+00:00","article_modified_time":"2018-08-03T15:47:45+00:00","og_image":[{"url":"https:\/\/proudparenting.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/10\/michael103114.jpg"}],"author":"Editorial Staff","twitter_misc":{"Written by":"Editorial Staff","Est. reading time":"6 minutes"},"schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"Article","@id":"https:\/\/proudparenting.com\/2014\/10\/qa-with-a-gay-surrogacy-dad\/#article","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/proudparenting.com\/2014\/10\/qa-with-a-gay-surrogacy-dad\/"},"author":{"name":"Editorial Staff","@id":"https:\/\/proudparenting.com\/#\/schema\/person\/bd1f88f6dfdb00b831bfdda339ec5cf9"},"headline":"Q&A with a Gay Surrogacy Dad","datePublished":"2014-10-31T21:15:24+00:00","dateModified":"2018-08-03T15:47:45+00:00","mainEntityOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/proudparenting.com\/2014\/10\/qa-with-a-gay-surrogacy-dad\/"},"wordCount":1190,"publisher":{"@id":"https:\/\/proudparenting.com\/#organization"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/proudparenting.com\/2014\/10\/qa-with-a-gay-surrogacy-dad\/#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"https:\/\/proudparenting.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/10\/michael103114.jpg","articleSection":["Dads"],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/proudparenting.com\/2014\/10\/qa-with-a-gay-surrogacy-dad\/","url":"https:\/\/proudparenting.com\/2014\/10\/qa-with-a-gay-surrogacy-dad\/","name":"Q&A with a Gay Surrogacy Dad - Proud Parenting","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/proudparenting.com\/#website"},"primaryImageOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/proudparenting.com\/2014\/10\/qa-with-a-gay-surrogacy-dad\/#primaryimage"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/proudparenting.com\/2014\/10\/qa-with-a-gay-surrogacy-dad\/#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"https:\/\/proudparenting.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/10\/michael103114.jpg","datePublished":"2014-10-31T21:15:24+00:00","dateModified":"2018-08-03T15:47:45+00:00","breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/proudparenting.com\/2014\/10\/qa-with-a-gay-surrogacy-dad\/#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/proudparenting.com\/2014\/10\/qa-with-a-gay-surrogacy-dad\/"]}]},{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/proudparenting.com\/2014\/10\/qa-with-a-gay-surrogacy-dad\/#primaryimage","url":"https:\/\/proudparenting.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/10\/michael103114.jpg","contentUrl":"https:\/\/proudparenting.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/10\/michael103114.jpg","width":638,"height":737},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/proudparenting.com\/2014\/10\/qa-with-a-gay-surrogacy-dad\/#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/proudparenting.com\/"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"Q&A with a Gay Surrogacy Dad"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/proudparenting.com\/#website","url":"https:\/\/proudparenting.com\/","name":"Proud Parenting","description":"LGBTQ Families","publisher":{"@id":"https:\/\/proudparenting.com\/#organization"},"potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/proudparenting.com\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":"required name=search_term_string"}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Organization","@id":"https:\/\/proudparenting.com\/#organization","name":"Proud Parenting","url":"https:\/\/proudparenting.com\/","logo":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/proudparenting.com\/#\/schema\/logo\/image\/","url":"https:\/\/proudparenting.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/06\/cropped-cropped-2017proudparentinglogotransrainbow150x91-2.png","contentUrl":"https:\/\/proudparenting.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/06\/cropped-cropped-2017proudparentinglogotransrainbow150x91-2.png","width":150,"height":91,"caption":"Proud Parenting"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/proudparenting.com\/#\/schema\/logo\/image\/"},"sameAs":["https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/ProudParenting"]},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/proudparenting.com\/#\/schema\/person\/bd1f88f6dfdb00b831bfdda339ec5cf9","name":"Editorial Staff","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/proudparenting.com\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/","url":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/de4ae8ca2808017833bbf654b62b9986?s=96&d=mm&r=g","contentUrl":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/de4ae8ca2808017833bbf654b62b9986?s=96&d=mm&r=g","caption":"Editorial Staff"},"url":"https:\/\/proudparenting.com\/author\/jeff\/"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/proudparenting.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9555"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/proudparenting.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/proudparenting.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/proudparenting.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/17"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/proudparenting.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=9555"}],"version-history":[{"count":8,"href":"https:\/\/proudparenting.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9555\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":20736,"href":"https:\/\/proudparenting.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9555\/revisions\/20736"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/proudparenting.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=9555"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/proudparenting.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=9555"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/proudparenting.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=9555"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}